Wednesday, May 22, 2013


A few weeks ago my phone broke. Like, hardcore broke and took all my contacts and voicemails and text messages down with it. Which was a little bit of a  huge deal because I had text messages and voicemails on that phone from three years ago. In a desperate and unhealthy "let's be a packrat for the digital age" kind of time, I saved everything.  And I am still mad that I won't ever be able to listen to those voicemails again. You know that part that drives me even more crazy? Those voicemails are older than that phone. Which means that somehow they got transferred over when I got that phone, and I DON'T REMEMBER HOW I DID THAT, GUYS! 

So if someone really loved me and knew how to make that happen, I'm still a packrat for the digital age and I would really like all that stuff and I would really like you.

But that wasn't the point. The point is that after two weeks of denial about the real and truly dead state of my phone and some irritation and anger from my family who was sick of wondering where I was, I caved and bought out my contract and bought a new phone. And it's a really good deal. Like, I am getting unlimited everything for twenty bucks a month with no contract. And I really like it. But there's always a catch.

This is my first smartphone. And you guys, it is smarter than me. It's taken me a week to figure out how to use the thing. And there are still some things I am fuzzy on. Like why the heck I can't find the place where it will send picture messages. And I am also pretty embarrassed about the part where I can't get the freaking cover off the back. Which is inconvenient seeing as how I really need the SD card. Seriously, who can't get the cover off their phone and who the heck can't figure out how to send pictures?

My smart phone makes me feel stupid.

My only consolation is that James couldn't get the cover off either, and Zach couldn't figure out how to send picture messages either. And when I ask Bekah really stupid questions like "What does the red exclamation mark mean and how do I get it to go away?" she is really nice and doesn't make fun of me.

Wait. Lie. There was one more consolation. Yesterday my Uncle Leon and cousin Zach and his wife and daughter came to visit on their way to Washington. Which was really nice cause I haven't seen Zach or Leon in so long I can't remember the last time I saw them, but it's been something like eight years. And Leon has this fancy smart phone he doesn't know how to use cause he thinks "Technology is the worst thing to ever happen to our world!" And the only reason he bought it was to get pictures of his granddaughter, but apparently his curiosity is getting the best of him cause we spent the better part of last night listening to Zach teach his dad how to use his smartphone. And I learned some stuff. And I didn't feel as discouraged about not knowing how to use my phone when Zach had to explain how to download apps and the difference between 3G and wi-fi. I felt better then.

But I still can't get the cover off, so....

Thursday, May 9, 2013

And the Winner is...

Elder Daxx Stryker, who opened his mission call yesterday. Storytime.

The plan was to wait for me to get off work before he opened it so I could be there. This turned out kind of funny. First, we were disgustingly busy the night before and prep was gonna be a freaking nightmare the next day, so I offered to come in early, right? Which makes me sound like a nice person but really I wanted to make sure we freaking got out on time cause they were already waiting for me. And Megantron our fearless leader agreed that coming in early would be really good so that Daxx could leave when I got there to go open his mission call.

Hehe. Irony, man.

So all day long I hear updates at work. Megan just got a snapchat of the mailman "taking his sweet time!" and another one with "It's here!" Hayley showed up and announced to everyone first thing that Daxx had his mission call and then all I wanted to do all night was scream "I KNOW! EVERYBODY STOP BUYING SODA AND GET THE LIST DONE SO I CAN GO AND HE CAN OPEN IT! ALSO, IF YOU SWEEP THE FLOOR ANY SLOWER MY ARTERIES MIGHT EXPLODE!"

Eventually everything was done. And I tried to lock the door and leave. And then a horrific thing happened. It wouldn't lock. I couldn't do it.

(Backstory. I don't normally have a key cause I don't close very often. I had Daxx's key on loan last night. His key was once my key for a really long time. But in between the time it was mine and the time that it was his, it belonged to another employee who:
1 Got her car booted
2 Tried to pry the boot off the car herself
3 Used her work key in the attempt

And then they took it away and gave it to Daxx.)

Long story short, the key is bent, and Daxx is the sole talented person who can use it, apparently. So, exercising my talent for the worst timing in the world, I had to call Daxx to come lock the door, cause I just wasn't being enough of the problem child.

Thank goodness Daxx is super patient and didn't blow up when he had to come save me after waiting for six agonizing hours. But he worked his magic and we finally got there.

And this joyous thing is what happened.

HE'S LEAVING FOR ARGENTINA IN EIGHT WEEKS! Well technically fourteen, but whatever. The MTC is exciting too. Out of all the votes marked on the map, not one person guessed Argentina. We all lost.

There was a lot of "Where's a map?" and " Converter? I hardly know her!"* and incessant "Shoot! That's soon!" and "Guys. I'm gonna die." and a whole lot of fake lisping. (Apparently, Argentinian people say Carne Athada? No one knows. Either way, all the boys started  calling him Elder Thryker and its my job to make sure everyone at Papa Murphy's only talks to him in a lisp for the next eight weeks. We jumped up and down trying to contain our joy.

It was a really good night. July 3rd is speeding towards us.

Also, all my missionary letters will still go to Argentina. Rosario is one mission over from Resistencia. I like Argentina.

* For as long as I have known him, Daxx has made "I hardly know her" jokes. Any exclamation of words ending with er elicits this response. Duster. Eraser. Register. Heater. Steeper. The list goes on. And when he changed his name, I thought it would never end.
"Stryker? I hardly know her!" Twenty thousand times a day, seriously.

And then last night, I was reading the packet they send with the mission  call. And there was a part where they talked about electricity and how the voltage in his mission is 220 and he should prepare accordingly.
"Whoa. What do you do for that? I didn't even think about it."
"I don't know. Maybe you need a converter."
Automatically: "Converter? I hardly know her!"

And then we heard it.

"Ha! Convert her!" 

 There you have it. The most perfectly timed unintentional mission joke in the world. All the jokes culminated in that one perfect point. There was not a more perfect high five moment ever. I will remember that as a golden moment in time for my whole life. That is all.